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| The
Zimbabwean Quarter Life Crisis :::: Submitted by
Nhlanhla Mdlawuzo, Harare |
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It was on the dusk of a November summer day, the 4th to be
precise, watching the sun go down on the verandah of
Uncle's house in the Hillside, Bulawayo. I was recalling
the burial of Mzilikazi King of the Matebele, it was at
this point that my life's achievements and lack therefore,
flashed before my eyes. I was a mid twenty something black
man, trying to make a living in Zimbabwe. I realized
something about the phase that I was going through
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It is when you stop going along with the
crowd and start realizing that there are many things
about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.
You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be
in a year or two (with friends back home in Zimbabwe or
still in the diaspora), but then get scared because you
barely know where you are now.
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You start realizing that people are selfish
and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were
so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have
ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some
of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is
that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold,
catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as
you.
You look at your job... and it is not even close to what
you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking
for a job and realizing that you are going to have to
start at the bottom and that scares you. You still have
not bought that posh house in Bulawayo Burnside or Harare
Emerald Hill. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see
what others are doing and find yourself judging more than
usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain
boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things
to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't.
One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.
You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life.
You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change
is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with
dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting
further and further away, and there is nothing to do but
stay where you are or move
forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved
could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder
why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to
get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love
someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing
this because you know that you aren't a bad person.
One-night stands and random hook-ups start to look cheap.
Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look
pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions
over and over, and talk with your friends about the same
topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.
You worry about loans, money, the future and making a
life for yourself... and while winning the race would be
great. Right now you'd just like to be a contender! What
you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates
to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times,
trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.
keep smiling!! Its not that bleak.
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| More
Neighborhood stories available here |
| A list of previous
submitted stories is available here! |
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